25 stupid things people say

Hello, you! And, first of all, let me tell you, you look specially stunning today, you good looking person! You hot, you!

I'm going to look the other way now, you're distracting me. And let's get to the business, shall we?

One fact: we all know at least 50 people. Another fact: we all dislike - or maybe we just fail to understand - close to 60% of them. And don't tell me it's just me or I will run away and cry myself to sleep thinking about how much of a bad, bad, bad person I am.

Among those 60% there are these few specimens who have a way of making us feel like we don't want to live on this planet anymore. And why? Because they say stupid things. Also, they make us want to laugh at them (note that I didn't write WITH them...) and that's why they get to have this little special mention in our blog.

Let's go!

Stupid things stupid people say (or ask):

1. You look different. You're pretty. | Well, thank you! I guess...
2. Why are you so serious? Smile. Smile! SMILE HARDER! Well, can't you just pretend you're ok?
3. You look fat(ter). | Well, f. you too ^^
4. So...how are you? Any girlfriends/boyfriends (yes, they usually use the plural on this one) in your life?
5. So...when are you two getting married?
6. Congratulations on your wedding!!! So...when are you two having a baby??
7. Congratulations on your baby!!! Any thoughts on having a second child??
8. I'm saying this with all due respect: your mother is a b*tch. I don't like her, she does this and that and also that, but, you know, it's your mother and I try to understand her and respect her. | Really? Really???
9. I love my kids but sometimes I wish they hadn't been born. | Oh...o...kay?
10. ...and, you know, the Big Bang killed the dinosaurs.
11. And these girls who bleed the first time they have sex...pathetic. | Really? What the...? What?? Are you mentally ill or something??
12. I'm afraid I'm sterile so I'm taking a break in my birth control pill to see if I'm able to get pregnant. (stated by a sexually active 14 year old girl)
13. Black cats are bad luck. | Go f. yourself.
14. Can you give me the code? Again? I've already gave it to you, like, 5 times. Didn't you write it down and memorized it already? No, I don't like to memorize irrelevant things like numbers. It's bad for your brain, you know? Actually, studies have shown that doing so helps prevent Alzheimer's... Yeah, well...I don't do that.
15. Animals are human beings too!!!
16. Put my seatbelt? What for? | Well...duh!
17. So...and how long are you together? Oh, that many years? Trust me, that won't last much longer. That's just life.
18. Your dog is misbehaving? He peed? Why don't you hit it?
19. I don't take my cats to the vet for vaccines. It's pointless. I love them, 'though.
20. Don't you think you might be a lesbian? You know, 'cause your boyfriend doesn't have lots of muscles. I like my men big and strong. | Well, good for you. Bye, bye now. Also, you're a d.bag and your brain must be very small...oh, and your men's brains too.
21. Animals don't feel. - not to be confused with "animals don't have feelings". The statement was that they don't feel, AT ALL.
22. My generation is so much better than this one. I don't know...we were just...better. Not like them. They're stupid. - As said by every single person of every single generation of every single decade. Wake up. We're all f*cked up, deal with it.
23. A real woman has long hair. | Shut up. Please. You're hurting my...every single part of my body. - I actually have long hair but this kind of statement just annoys me.
24. Real men don't cry. 
25. YOLO. | Enough, already.

If you have ever said any of the above, please, don't ever do it again. I still love you but...please stop. You're hurting me.

I admit I may have used statement number 1, but I swear it wasn't supposed do sound like that!

Do you have any other examples? Comment below and let me know, I can't wait to hear it!

Also, if you like, please share it! The more, the merrier! You can follow me on Twitter and like me on Facebook to be the first to know when a new fresh post is baked!

Thank you for reading and I'll see you later, alligator! ;)

It's a dog's life (part I)

Summer never came. I was just reading my last post here (you know, the one from, like, decades ago) and I was like "Oh, right...Summer was a bit late, then...". Yeah...it never showed up!

Anyway...hello! Good night, good morning, good whatever part of the day you're living! I know I've been kinda absent but I'm back now so let's get going!

You might be wondering what I have been up to. Well, I can tell you that my life is upside down at this moment. The title of this post is literal: I have a dog!

Now...a little bit of context for you, my dear beloved followers and readers in general: I have a cat, his name is Peri and he has been with us for three years now. He's a beautiful black cat, not a very social one but also not aggressive, at all. Anyway, for years I've wanted to adopt a dog, ever since my mom gave away our puppy when I was a kid. I'm an adult now (sort of) so I decided not to wait any longer and go and rescue a puppy. And so I did. And I love him and I'll be by his side forever and also, he's a nightmare.

Yes. I'll say it right here, for the world to read: my puppy is a nightmare. All that talk about puppies being cute and warm and NICE? Lies. All lies! He barks, he bites, he destroys everything, poops and pees all over the house and he's a rebel! A young turk, I tell you! And you know what? My life belongs to him now, I have obligations now, expenses (he eats a LOT), I swear having a puppy is quite similar to having a new born baby (not that I ever had one).

Now, don't get me wrong. The first two weeks were awful and I was close to despair but I KNEW where I was getting myself in. Never, for a second, I thought about giving him up.

The problem is - and this is why I'm doing this post today - lots of people do think about giving away their newly adopted puppies. LOTS of people ABANDON their animals. And you know why? Because they didn't know what was coming. Because they believed on the cute advertisements we see every day on TV and, ultimately, because people who have pets only show the good parts of it on social networks - I'm also guilty on that one, he's really cute on my facebook page.

Every day I see these facebook pages of animal institutions and, ok, they do talk about RESPONSIBILITY but, no, they don't tell the truth about the dogs and cats they have for adoption. Somehow, their animals are all perfect, behaved and sweet. They don't do any of the things animals usually do. What do they get with that? More adoptions? Yes. More "devolutions"? Yes.

If you're thinking about adopting an animal there's a few things you should do first (note that I'm gonna use the pronoun "it" to avoid having to choose between "he" and "she"...I'm not particularly in love with that detail in English language...animals are not things to be referred as an "it" but ok, moving on):

1. Talk with your close family about it. You don't want to bring home a pet that no one else wants;
2. Again, TALK with your family and friends who have animals so that they can help you and provide you with some relevant information;
3. If possible, don't buy a pet. Rescue one, there's plenty of abandoned animals waiting for a caring family;
4. Ask yourself a few crucial questions like: why do I want a dog/cat? Where is it going to sleep? Where am I going to walk it (if it's a dog, of course)? DO I HAVE THE TIME? DO I HAVE THE MONEY?
5. Know that, from the moment you say YES to a dog/cat you are saying yes to a new member of the family. It's not an object and it can't be seen as a possession;
6. Know that mornings spent lying in bed are over and that you will be followed every single time you go to the toilet;
7. Know that animals HAVE emotions too. Yes, they're different from ours but, still, they are there. Animals do feel fear, sadness, joy and anger like everyone else;
8. Know that they will destroy stuff you like. It might be your phone, your favorite jeans, your curtains or your plants or even that really cute shirt your boyfriend gave you (sad, oh so sad) but it doesn't matter right? 'Cause you love your pet and you know it doesn't understand the value of that kind of stuff;
9. Know that you will HAVE to educate them in order for them to become that "best friend" we all hear so much about. In the beginning, trust me, they are not your friends, they're just a cute and playful pain in the ass that jumps happily to whoever comes in the way (puppies in particular tend to adore everyone);
10. Know that when you acquire a pet it's supposed to be FOREVER so picture yourself in a few years...will you have space for a pet in your life when you accomplish those goals you have? That boyfriend with whom you plan to spend your life with...does he like animals? Does he WANT a pet in his life? Yeah....ups, right?

So, you know where I'm getting with this. I know this is not a fun post but I think it is important to put this information out there 'cause I felt cheated by all people that say puppies are this and dogs are that. Yes, I am much happier now than I was when my puppy wasn't here but that's not the point. My life is a mess, my house is a mess and I wake up really early and surrounded by crap every single day. And you know what? It's not easy and people who thing that having an animal is a piece of cake, shouldn't adopt one, at all.

There will be a part 2 and I promise you it will have a different and more funny/happy approach.

Please share this post if it made you think and if, even with all of this inside information, you still want to rescue a dog or a kitten...go ahead! Good luck and, yes, you will love them with all your heart, I know you will. 

One smile a day keeps the doctor away ;) bye bye

P.S.: follow me on Twitter, I'll be happy to welcome you :)

Summer is great! Oh...wait...

I'm a bit late but still in time to give a proper welcome to our beloved season: summer!

WELCOME! We missed you!

Actually, in my country, we're still missing you because you've being kind off shy, but that's OK. We'll wait.

And this is, in fact, a beautiful season. We have beaches, sun glasses, skirts, beautiful days with bright blue sky, lots and lots of skin showing...and this is where summer shows its dark side. It's just that...I really do NOT want to see some parts of some people's skin. Really. Sometimes it just hurts my eyes. Ok, I can go and show some legs but do I really need to show off my butt? Do I??? No. I don't think so. 

Another thing: the smell! Oh Lord, the SMELL. And if you usually use the bus or the subway, you know what I'm talking about: some people just don't bath! I don't know why and I really don't care. Just...do it! Go on and take a bath! Not a small one, you need a real bath and also some deodorant, please! I don't deserve this. I don't think I did any harm to anyone to deserve something like your hideous smell!

Summer also brings lots of bites from all kind of flying insects. You can try all you want to keep your windows closed: they will get into your house anyway! And then you'll be awake all night long trying to kill those mother efer's. And maybe you'll succeed...maybe not. It's an all-time mystery.

Another thing about summer? I don't know about you but I become a lot more self-conscious. I mean, we're almost naked when we're at the beach so I end up thinking "Why didn't I make exercise during winter, why didn't I diet? I'm a fat bastard!". Eventually I just forget about that and go and have fun at the beach.

This year is different, though. I made a commitment with myself to be healthier. So, I've been eating more salads, more fruit and vegetables and I've been trying to run at least 2 days a week. The goal is to go 3 times a week but it has been raining so...no can do. I really can't tell any difference but it has only been 2 weeks since I made this decision so...I'll try to be patient and wait for my bikini body...I mean...to be a better and healthier person (cough, cough, I just really wanna be hot, cough cough).

What about you? What do you love about summer and, since we're being honest here, what do you really hate about this season? Comment below ;)

Now, have yourself some good vibrations!

See you later, alligator!

Are you a socially awkward penguin?

Hello! Good night everyone! It's 12 a.m. here, as I'm writing, so, for me, it's a big "good night" for y'all!

So, you might be wondering what kind of a subject is this we're gonna be talking about today. Well, I might as well just put it out there: I'm a big fat penguin! I mean, I'm not fat but I am a penguin, don't be fooled by my stunning looks (see the girl in the background? Yeah, that's me...cough).

(enter advertiser voice) So, are you a certified penguin??? Take this quiz and find out now! (wink)

1. When you're talking to someone, are you worrying about where to look instead of actually paying attention to what the other person is saying?
2. When in social situations, are you constantly thinking about where to put your god damn hands? (Pockets? No, that's awkward...I'll just cross my arms...hum, this way I look frightened. I'll put my hand in my waist, just like th...oh now, it's like I'm mad at someone! You know what? I'll just hold my arm like I'm afraid it'll fall down. Yeah...this is cool. I'm really relaxed.)
3. Do you cover your mouth when you laugh?
4. Do you hide your entire face when you laugh?
5. Do you hate when a stranger enters the elevator you're at?
6. (Giving the fact that you're not a stutterer) Do you falter/stutter when you're talking to someone you don't know very well?
7. Do you block when someone gives you a compliment?
8. When someone says "thank you", do you answer back with a "thank you"?
9. Do people tend to think you're antipathetic when first meeting you?
10. Do people tend to ask you if you're sad when you're actually perfectly fine?
11. "Oh, did you try to call me? What? Nine times? Oh...my phone must have been in silent mode." Is this a sentence you'd use to justify the fact that you really just didn't want to answer the phone ('cause talking on the phone is like torture to you)?
12. When you see a group of friends/pears/colleagues hanging around, do you isolate yourself thinking "I'd better go there...hang around. But they didn't call me. Maybe they just don't like me. Well, but Sarah just went there and they didn't call her either. Do they even know who I am? I don't wanna be nosy...besides, Sarah has that cool bottle, it's different."?
13. Do you avoid stores where you just know that the employee will interact with you? (Like, when they're standing by the entrance, for instance.)
14. Do you blush when addressing to a small audience?

If you answer positively to at least six of these questions, WELCOME TO THE GANG, you're officially a socially awkward penguin! Congratulations!

And, by the way, there's a lot more questions I could have added here but I'd be here all night long and it's almost 1 a.m. and you have a life so, this is it for today.

We, penguins, are proud of who we are! Power to the penguins! Don't be ashamed of a little social awkwardness. It's harmless.

I hope you liked today's entry. Don't forget to follow me on Twitter! Also, we're on Facebook, have a look. 

Have a great weekend ;)

See you later, alligator!

Let's talk about panties

But first, I have some good news! I'm no longer an unemployed citizen! That's right, I'm back in my old job (sort of) as a radio speaker, I'm doing one of the things I love the most and I hope that it'll all work out for the best.

This blog will keep going on, I'm not giving up on it and for that I'm counting on you to share it, and comment and follow me on Twitter...all nice and easy things.

And now...what we all have been waiting for. Let's talk...about...pantIES!

And, yes, I'm talking to you, girls and women of this world. I've come to realize that this is a truly wide subject, I could talk about this for hours. Ok...10 minutes maybe - it's a lot for panties, you have to admit.

So, a guy friend of mine was asking me if all women have that Bridget Jone's famous lingerie in their drawer. Well, I admit I didn't really wanna answer him at the time but it's a fact, ok? We all have that one pair (at least) of "granny panties".

Do we love them? No. Are we proud of them? Not even close. Do we wear them for a date? Of course NOT (what the Hell, Bridget?). But they are a must-have in every woman's drawer.

And why, you ask (and let me be clear here: by "you", I mean "men")?

First, it's really useful when we're wearing that type of long, soft, skirts that are also a little bit "see-through" - we're talking about nude panties, ok? Nothing with hearts or bears or circles, that would be a terrible idea.

Second, we have this thing called "the period" (note: to be read with a dramatic tone). Yeah...sorry, don't be uncomfortable...please don't leave.

And third, I don't know! They're just there! I swear I think those panties were summoned up by magic. I don't remember buying those. Do you? That's what I thought.

But behold, 'cause our drawer have one or two pairs of these hideous panties. The others are the ones that we don't put in the washing machine with the rest of the clothes 'cause we don't want our father to see them, 'cause it would be embarrassing for him and for us. Why, you ask? 'Cause your father would probably think you have a part-time...as a stripper!

And those panties? Yes, we are proud of those! We even celebrate the day when we first bought them and we take pictures - not really, no.

And that's it! We did it, we talked about panties. I hope you liked it as much as I did.

Feel free to comment below and add anything you think it might be relevant for this subject. Also, if you liked it, share this entry with your friends.

It's all for today! Have a great weekend and don't forget to smile :)

See you later, alligator!

A promise - from me to you

I've first started this blog because I felt like I could have something to say. Something positive. Something different than all the things we see and read online.

I felt like kids and teens need someone to tell them it's gonna be okay. Someone to tell them they're not the only ones. Someone to tell them that it's okay,that everybody makes mistakes and that it will get better. 

There's a lot of hate online. A lot of bullying and a lot of people who tend to forget that there's someone real on the other side of the screen. Someone with a life, a story, a past, feelings, problems, worries, doubts and insecurities. For some, the internet is the only place where they can just shut down for a minute, it's their escape, their little fort. But internet is everything but safe. It can be really scary and it's full of mean people who don't hesitate when writing awful comments about someone. I will not give you examples, you know what I'm talking about.

You know, I've suffered from bullying myself, I struggled with self confidence issues and there were times when I just wanted to hide. Even today, I have moments when waking up for another day is a battle. I know where you're at. And I promise you, you are not alone. I also promise it will get better.

I'm on my 20's now but I remember oh so well what it's like to be a teenager. I know life can be hard when you're a teen. Older people look at you like you're stupid and your pears don't really get you and don't really care 'cause their stuck in their own little world. When you're a teen, if you think about it, what you're living is the only thing you know. Before, you were a child and this moment is your only reality. So it's easy to think "this is it, I will never be happier than this". But you know...everyone has a past and a present and you HAVE a future. Things will get better.

You will be more confident, you will have more and more reasons to live, you will meet new people, people that will make you wonder: "where were you all those times I was so alone?". They will be there for you. You will be stronger and wiser.

I know we don't choose our family, we don't choose where we come from but you can start you're own family, eventually, you can choose who you wanna be, what you want to do. You can even move to another country for all you know.

You know? Change you're perspective. Look further. Don't give up and don't be afraid of mean words. I know words hurt but sometimes they're just empty of meaning. Most of the times they can't really harm you and if you learn how to ignore them, people will get tired, they will forget why they were picking on you.

Sometimes it doesn't work that way, sometimes you have to deal with it for a little longer than you think you can handle. But, I promise you this, you can deal with it and it will get better! I know many people who have struggled with bullies, with shitty parents and crappy boyfriends. And you know what? They became stronger and chose to live their own lives, their own way.

Talk to someone, look for support, share your fears with someone you trust. Don't suffer alone. Don't even allow you to think about giving up. That's not an option, ever.

Because life is full of beautiful things. Sometimes we just have to take a minute to remember ourselves why is it that we love to live. We have this animal instinct for survival, it's only natural.

Try this exercise: everyday, at the end of the day, write down the highs and lows of the day, even the smallest things. You will be surprised with how many good things you experience everyday. A smile, a sunrise, a piece of cake...just write everything down. And when you're feeling low, go ahead and read these little lists of yours, think about how you felt doing those things and how there's yet so much to discover, so much in this life that you don't know about...yet.

It will get better. I promise.

P.S.: I'm sorry about some (possible) grammar mistakes, I usually make a previous review of all my entries in Microsoft Office Word 'cause blogger only shows vocabulary errors, but my computer is close to chaos so...today that wasn't possible. Hopefully I didn't screw anything up and I'm worrying for nothing ;)

What I've been up to

Hello everyone!

You know how I previously wrote about doing something new? Well...you might think I'm just talking and no action. And well...you might be terribly wrong too.

I say and, yes, I do! This blog is an honest place.

So, today I felt the urge to tell you what happened to me in these last few days.

My birthday was this Monday, May 5th (yei, happy birthday, thank you) and, well, I always get a little bit too emotional when my birthday is approaching. So, what did this brain of mine thought I could do?

Yes! Dye my hair! Why not?

My hair is brown and it was a virgin hair, never dyed before. Screw it, it's like the youngsters say nowadays: YOLO - and yes, I truly hate this trend, what the Hell is wrong with you people???

I went ahead and paint my hair...blue. Yes, blue. Not dark blue, not light blue, real BLUE.

Although I loved the result, it didn't last long. I went to the beauty salon this Saturday and as I write this entry, I no longer have my hair in Sailor Mercury mode - my nails are still painted blue, though.

What happened? I washed it yesterday and my hair turned green, kind of...green, lilac, grey, light blue...I don't know. It was really ugly and my hair became really sere.

So, today I lost my mind, did some search online, went to the store and dyed my own hair. I also cut it. Against all odds, it went really well. I just have to buy a second kit 'cause there's still some blue hiding around here. But I may have skipped a brilliant career as a hairdresser!!!

So, my advice to you? I don't have any idea. Yeah, of course I ruined my hair, of course I eventually became really annoyed with all the stares I got and, yes, my money burned for nothing and my fabulous blue hair only lasted three days. But you know what? I'm not sorry, not even a bit 'cause it was really cool while it lasted! Just like a really messed up relationship or a meal that you know will put you in the bathroom for hours. But in that moment...you just really want to be blue!

So, who am I to give you an advice? I can only say, do something different, but think about it for a while, measure the consequences...especially if you're thinking about getting a tattoo! There's no ink in the world capable of erasing that. Yeah, I know there's laser but that is expensive, it really hurts and it might not even do the job.

See you later, alligator!